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By: Derek Price
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Normally
when you drive a car you truly love, it's like hot
chocolate. It warms your soul, and you want to come
back for more.
This car -- the Audi R8 -- is nothing like that.
I love the R8, sure enough, but it terrifies me. It's
so powerful, so beautiful, so thrilling that simply
stepping near it makes my pulse quicken and my blood
pressure rise. I only drove it for a few days, but
I'm pretty sure it reduced my lifespan by at least a
year.
No, the R8 doesn't warm your soul. It grabs your soul
around the neck and gives it a 420-horsepower
beating until your soul's spleen is ruptured. Then
it forces your soul to come back for more.
So it's not hot chocolate at all. This car is crack
cocaine.
THE BASICS
The R8 follows a simple formula: extremely light weight
+ extremely high horsepower = extreme performance.
More specifically, it's a very expensive, two-seat
German supercar with a huge V8 engine mounted
directly behind the driver's back and a body made
from Tupperware and Reynolds aluminum foil. It's
stunningly beautiful. And it can go nearly 190 mph.
Power comes from a 4.2-liter engine that's mounted just
in front of the rear axle. The mid-engine design
allows for excellent weight distribution and better
handling when the tires start to lose traction,
which doesn't happen easily because it has Audi's
famous all-wheel drive and tires as wide as
Tennessee.
It also has the best suspension system I've ever
driven. Not only does it perform amazingly well
through corners, with the kind of grace and
predictability most cars can only dream of, but it
also has a magic switch that changes the suspension
from racetrack worthy to Cadillac worthy.
I'm not exaggerating. It's an enormous difference when
you're floating on glass one second, then flip the
switch and -- WHAM! -- you can suddenly feel every
particle of dust between your tires and the asphalt.
It's clear Audi wanted this to be a comfortable car for
everyday driving, and not just because of the
magnetic suspension that can feel like Grandma's
car. It's also much roomier than many comparable
supercars, with enough head and shoulder room for
the Jolly Green Giant.
The R8 is largely hand-assembled using the same
platform as the Lamborghini Gallardo, so it's
extremely exclusive.
How much does it cost? The base price is $109,000, and
the one I drove cost around $130,000 thanks to
upgraded leather and the world's worst transmission
(more on that later).
That may sound like a lot of money -- indeed, it is --
but when you consider the Ferraris and Lamborghinis
it compares with cost closer to $200,000, that
$109,000 price tag suddenly starts to look like a
bargain.
THE STYLE
No other car looks anything like the R8. Its body would
fit better on the set of "Deep Space Nine" than on a
roadway, so -- not surprisingly -- this growling
spaceship gets plenty of stares.
For the most part, the styling is dominated by the
school of "form follows function." Giant air intakes
feed the monster engine, and the overall shape is
designed for high-speed stability. It's one of the
few street-legal cars that actually generates
downforce as it picks up speed, meaning the shape is
designed to suck it onto the road like an
upside-down airplane wing.
The R8 also has some completely arbitrary styling
features that make it one of the most original and
memorable cars ever built.
The most important visual element is what Audi calls
the "sideblades." These two panels form the air
intake for the engine, and you can have them painted
a contrasting color that stands out from the body
paint. I love them for three reasons: One, they
emphasize the engine's position in the middle of the
car. Two, they make the R8 look shorter. And three,
no other car has them. They're absolutely brilliant.
Another strange visual feature is the R8's pixie
eyelashes. A row of LEDs lines each headlight to
give the car some personality, almost like the Audi
is wearing mascara. I love it.
But the best feature, hands down, is the window that
exposes the massive engine in back. It's a frame for
this piece of aluminum modern art, showing off the
heart of the R8.
Some people may not like this car's unusual styling,
but even its detractors have to admit one thing: the
R8 forces you to look at it.
THE DOWNSIDES
Any time you drive an exotic car, it gets lots of
attention. That can be a good thing if you need an
ego boost, but it's also a major drawback.
You can't go anywhere without complete strangers
suddenly turning into Morley Safer, grilling you
about every detail of the car. And you can't park it
and leave it without worrying that someone will
scratch it, dent it or try to cover it in phlegm.
Even worse, if you don't want to get a manual
transmission, your only other choice is a $9,000
piece of garbage Audi calls the R tronic.
My test car was fitted with the R tronic, and --
honestly -- I would have paid Audi $9,000 to beat it
with a baseball bat until it was dead. It's
essentially a robotic manual transmission that
doesn't use a clutch pedal. It can do shifts faster
than are humanly possible with a regular
transmission, but at low speeds it shifts like it's
being controlled by a 15-year-old driving a manual
transmission for the first time. It's jerky,
unpredictable and extremely unpleasant.
When you drive more aggressively, accelerating quickly
from each stop, the transmission isn't so bad. But
if you expect it to do smooth Grandma shifts to
match the smooth Grandma suspension, you're out of
luck.
The problem even contributed to me getting pulled over
by a small-town cop for accelerating the spaceship
too quickly. I tried to explain that the R8 is
extremely difficult to drive slowly because of the
garbage transmission -- which is the
honest-to-goodness truth -- but I'm not sure he
believed me.
THE VERDICT
Assuming you stay away from Audi's R tronic junk, it's
hard to find anything whatsoever to fault with this
car. After driving this remarkable machine, every
other car suddenly feels like a horse and buggy.
Its body makes you salivate. Its suspension is magical.
Its performance is otherworldly. Its engine sounds
like God rolling a timpani.
In fact, I only have one problem with it: the serious,
stomach-turning withdrawal pain when it goes away. |
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| Ratings: |
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Style: 10
Performance: 10
Price: 10
Handling: 10
Ride: 10
Comfort: 10
Quality: 10
Overall: 10
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| Why Buy
It: |
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It's an exotic car you can drive every day. It
combines jaw-dropping performance with surprising
comfort at a price that's impressive considering its
Lamborghini DNA.
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| Why Avoid
It: |
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The R tronic transmission is junk, and it turns
everyone with a camera phone into paparazzi.
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